Luna TailAnxiety, Dogs, and Life

Most of the time after a wedding, the woman needs maternity clothes, but not me! My husband and I got married at the dog park in March of 2003. That makes it just about five years this year. And I will say, I am happily married. We do our own things, we do things together sometimes, and I think it’s a good balance for us. Though for many people it’s probably not enough togetherness. But it’s good for us.

My husband still isn’t working, but he is looking. We both have the anxiety thing going on and so we understand each other in that area. And even though he hasn’t worked for a few months, I am being patient and believing in him.

As for the title of this post, things I will NOT do are berate him, or criticize him, or belittle him… or nag at him or hassle him for not working yet. I don’t want to live in misery like that, and I want him to feel better about himself. I will admit, too, that I’m proud of myself for this, because in the past I would have freaked out (actually, I did years ago) but no longer. I finally have reached the point with someone that I am in the frame of mind that we are in it for the long haul. I don’t have an escape mentality anymore. And I tell ya, I really like it!

So last Sunday my husband and I went over to my parents house and helped them rip up their old carpet and move furniture. Because they laid new carpet on Monday. Well, I don’t have any pictures of the new carpet yet, but I figured I need to post pictures with my new camera that are not dog pictures, so here are carpet pictures! I like the old carpet, though.. I’m rather attached to it. Or I was, since I grew up on it. I remember pretending it was water when I was a kid, and I was a mermaid and would jump in and out of the water-carpet.

And this is a picture of my sister taking a picture of me taking a picture of her. LOL. I don’t know if she has posted up her version, but she should, and we can compare pictures. LOL. And that’s the back end of my Dad over there, doing something, maybe with the vacuum. I have some pics of my hubby, too, that I need to get up.

But I keep saying I’m going to leave town tomorrow, which I am.. so not sure how much I’ll post when I’m gone!

Woo hoo Friday is here. I love Friday’s. I’m wearing blue jeans today.. I know I know, I shouldn’t, but usually I wear black jeans and mine were downstairs in huge clean clothes pile and so I threw on the blue jeans instead.

I think it’s going to snow this weekend. Again. And be cold. Well, I’m not minding it yet. I am going to Los Angeles on the 31st, going to the Clicker Expo. I’m excited. Will be fun, and warm there! And then I’m going (hopefully) to Las Vegas Mach 1 and 2 for a flyball seminar.

This weekend, I’ll be doing dog training Saturday, going to help my Dad move furniture on Sunday, then more dog training on Monday. Will be a good weekend. And today is Day 3 and I’m feeling pretty good today!

So I had a really good Christmas Eve. My family gets together on Christmas Even and we exchange gifts, have a big dinner, and rice pudding. Not necessarily in that order.

I took some pictures of the new laptop skin my sister gave me! Isn’t it cool! I love it. I’m getting more girly in my old age, and I love color. I love the bright pink. It really personalizes my laptop and makes it happy and colorful.

I also got a digital picture frame, and I’ve already loaded pictures on it. I got a gift certficate to Kirkham’s, and I want to go shopping now! I got some chairs from Ikea, which I really wanted. I also got flannel sheets for my new queen bed. I put them on the bed last night and they are very comfy and snuggly!

I got some other wonderful things, too. And I think my family liked what I got them. I hope so. I got my husband a sewing machine, so he can sew up our blankets. He’s good at sewing.

All in all it was a great day. I ate too much. But now I’m doing my Weight Watchers. I really need to lose at least 10 pounds, hopefully 15, for my cruise next year!

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Christmas Eve is our big day for our family. We get together, exchange presents, eat Rice Pudding and find the almond hidden inside. The finder wins a prize.

So I’m excited for us to go over to the parent’s house and celebrate Christmas. It really is my favorite time of the year, and today is my favorite day.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

I went to a Christmas Party today, my husband’s family. They are wonderful and I love sitting and chatting with them. And I joke, but it’s true, that it takes me about five years to really feel comfortable with people. Well, it’s been over five years now and I am feeling more comfortable with them.

My husband’s step-sister (I love her, she’s great) was saying how her daughter (about 6 now?) is so shy. She doesn’t much like to go out and it was her goal to say hi, in church, to someone when they said hi first. I told her (step-sister) that I was that shy when I was a kid. And it is really nice to see how aware and gentle they are being with her. Genes are funny things, because my friend at work has two granddaughters, and they are far from shy! It’s very interesting to see kids and how different they can be. Being sensitive to a shy child, and helping her open up without terrifying her, is so important! Believe me, I know, because I was painfully shy and frightened when I was a child (much to the dismay of my very outgoing and talkative mother).

So anyway where am I going with this? Oh yes… having had social anxiety all my life I am just now, in the last four years or so, learning about making friends and keeping friendships. Yes yes I know, I should have learned these things when I was 6. But I did not. I went with anyone who would take me. I didn’t realize that I could chose my friends. I am very fortunate to have learned this belief, and every day I am amazed at how wonderful it is to actually be able to pick friends.

And there are so many people, especially in the dog world, and I’m really finding those who I fit with and I’m trying to cultivate friendships with them. Of course I do realize that some of the women who I want to be friends with may not, in turn, want to be friends with me. And that is okay because I’m no longer a child and I can now realize I have value anyway and not everyone has to like me.

So I am finding people I like to be with, and I am trying to minimize being with those people I don’t feel like I fit with all that well, or those that I just don’t like some of their behaviors. Even though I like them, some behaviors (such as insulting others in a very derogatory manner) are just not what I like to associate with and so I try to stay away. But I am not rude. Never rude. And I do want to be able to span all the ‘clicks’ that have formed in the dog community.

And even when looking for body shop supplies, I can decide who I want to go shopping with!

I am still learning what I don’t like, behavior wise, in some people. Though it’s weird to me to distance myself from them. My friend at work gives me helpful tips about it. And really, I really like the friends I am making so much that, unlike when I was a child, I don’t feel like I have to keep or be close to everyone I meet that I almost fit with, but not quite! Wow!

So thanks to my new friends, you don’t know how much you help me and what you do for me. And, especially, thanks to my sister who really is my best friend and I love spending time with her! (I apologize for this long post but I have been thinking about this and it is a very important subject to me.)

It is mostly over but Happy Thanksgiving everyone anyway. I had a busy day, cleaned my spare bedroom, cooked, then went over to my Dad’s. My Mom is still in Germany. My sister and I brought lots of food. And it was good healthy food, too! I like that much better than greasy buttery food.

So it was a good day. Now I’m my new bed, on my new frame, and I’m going to go watch an episode of Blood Ties here on my laptop. I’ll post pictures of the bed in a few days.

Good night!

I’m already in Thanksgiving Mode… I want to be off! But I work the rest of today and then I work for a few hours tomorrow. I need to see how many, since I went to the Dentist on Monday and worked the rest of the day. Our Maid Service also comes tomorrow, which is good, and I need to straighten up! They haven’t called yet, I wonder if they will come AM or PM.

I will be at my Mom and Dad’s Thanksgiving day. My Mom is, however, in Germany. So it’ll just be us and we are doing pot luck. I’ll bring sweet potatoes and cauliflower and maybe some yummy potatoes. I won’t be wearing any equestrian riding apparel, hehe, I’d have to wear that at Halloween since I don’t ride. Though I do love to ride.

I may have used this blog topic before but it’s true isn’t it? You think life is going along smoothly and just fine and WHAM the husband lays one on you. Ugh.

My husband put his two weeks notice on his job last week and didn’t tell me until this week. Ugh. I knew he was unhappy but I do wish he would have shared more with me. I do know he has a hard time but still. So now we get to deal with this tasty bit of stuff going on in life. It’s not him quitting his job that makes me mad, it’s that he didn’t tell me, and that is like a slap in the face to me that we are not really an team.

But when you get married in your late thirties, like both of us did, you develop a strong independence and being a couple is a bit more difficult than it would be for younger people.

So now I am more stressed too. He has been very grumpy lately. I guess relationships are never always smooth, things happen whether you make them or they happen on their own. At least we are not having a human baby and won’t need any baby cribs. Babies would be much too much stress right now. Having to buy a set of baby furniture would be too expensive for us.

Unfortunately my knee jerk reaction is that we won’t make it. I think, not because the job and not because our lacking communication, but because emotions are so hard to deal with and neither one of us is very good at it.

Fortunately now, during this difficult time, I have a few things I have never had before in hard times. The first and most important is a self. I finally have a self to lean on and be, and I can’t express how wonderful that is. And also I have a good network of family and friends. Wow. I love and appreciate each of them, too. And this difficulty is making me appreciate them all the more.

Ugh, I’m tired. After cleaning out that room yesterday I was completely tired last night. And today was run around day for myself and my husband. We went to church this morning (yuck - I haven’t been for over 10 years, I don’t believe in organized religion) because the husband’s Dad and StepMom are going on a Mormon Mission for a year and a half. So we went, I knitted, and we listened. It actually wasn’t too bad. The feeling in the church was very happy and pleasant and loving. People love community like that. I like it sometimes, but I prefer my quiet time at home with my family, human and canine.

I was quite chatty and relaxed at the family gathering that came afterwards. The Zoloft helps me so much. It’s amazing. I would usually be stressed and anxious, my SA kicks in big time. But I wasn’t bad at all. I ate too much, too much dessert especially, and was glad to leave when we were done, but I wasn’t so anxious that my voice went monotone like it has in the past.

Then we went to Coscto shopping, then we went to the husband’s work because he had to do something, then we came home for a bit. Then we went to my sister’s because it’s her birthday today. Happy Birthday Sister! And then we went back by Costco because the shorts we’d bought my husband were too small (I told him he’d gained weight lol), then we went to Smiths so I could make healthy food tomorrow, and then we finally came home.

Then I fed the dogs, and gave them all bully sticks. They are happily chewing, while I get to sit and relax and blog a little bit, then watch the 4400! Woo Hoo.

Oh and I bought new sheets for the spare bedroom. I’ll have to take pics, because they are doggie sheet and I couldn’t resist! Got them at Costco, too.