A couple days ago I posted about how I felt so responsible… well, that has turned around and now I feel very irresponsible.
I guess things just happen in life and prevent me from doing things.. and I’m not going to go into that here because it’s private and not for the world to know. But when that happens and there are things I really need to do, I get more and more anxious about not doing the things I should/want/need to do, and then I actually start to put them off. And the more I put them off, the more stressed I get about them.
It’s a vicious circle, I think. And when I get stressed, instead of shopping around to find the best buy on something, usually I just buy whatever I find, and then I’m spending too much money, and I get even more stressed because my Husband and I are running out of money.. since he doesn’t have a job yet.
But actually his job thing isn’t stressing me. I love him… I want to encourage him and support him and help build his confidence. And for the first time in my life I actually feel comfortable and secure in a relationship. There is no thought at all about not being with him. We are married… and this is how marriage is supposed to be. In my past I’ve always thought about what I would need to do if I was out of a relationship.. prepare myself, but now.. I don’t think that at all. Instead I just think of what I need to do to support and love my husband. And wow, I really like this feeling!
Anyway, thinking of my husband is helping me feel more responsible. I hate being irresponsible… yet at the same time I have a need for it, and so I create it for myself. It’s odd… for sure. Maybe someday I’ll work it out. But I doubt it! I sure am better than I used to be though!