Making and Cultivating Friendships
Filed Under (Anxiety, Daily Posts) by 
Cynthia Blue on 23-12-2007
Tagged Under : Anxiety, Family, Mental Health, Relax
I went to a Christmas Party today, my husband’s family. They are wonderful and I love sitting and chatting with them. And I joke, but it’s true, that it takes me about five years to really feel comfortable with people. Well, it’s been over five years now and I am feeling more comfortable with them.
My husband’s step-sister (I love her, she’s great) was saying how her daughter (about 6 now?) is so shy. She doesn’t much like to go out and it was her goal to say hi, in church, to someone when they said hi first. I told her (step-sister) that I was that shy when I was a kid. And it is really nice to see how aware and gentle they are being with her. Genes are funny things, because my friend at work has two granddaughters, and they are far from shy! It’s very interesting to see kids and how different they can be. Being sensitive to a shy child, and helping her open up without terrifying her, is so important! Believe me, I know, because I was painfully shy and frightened when I was a child (much to the dismay of my very outgoing and talkative mother).
So anyway where am I going with this? Oh yes… having had social anxiety all my life I am just now, in the last four years or so, learning about making friends and keeping friendships. Yes yes I know, I should have learned these things when I was 6. But I did not. I went with anyone who would take me. I didn’t realize that I could chose my friends. I am very fortunate to have learned this belief, and every day I am amazed at how wonderful it is to actually be able to pick friends.
And there are so many people, especially in the dog world, and I’m really finding those who I fit with and I’m trying to cultivate friendships with them. Of course I do realize that some of the women who I want to be friends with may not, in turn, want to be friends with me. And that is okay because I’m no longer a child and I can now realize I have value anyway and not everyone has to like me.
So I am finding people I like to be with, and I am trying to minimize being with those people I don’t feel like I fit with all that well, or those that I just don’t like some of their behaviors. Even though I like them, some behaviors (such as insulting others in a very derogatory manner) are just not what I like to associate with and so I try to stay away. But I am not rude. Never rude. And I do want to be able to span all the ‘clicks’ that have formed in the dog community.
And even when looking for body shop supplies, I can decide who I want to go shopping with!
I am still learning what I don’t like, behavior wise, in some people. Though it’s weird to me to distance myself from them. My friend at work gives me helpful tips about it. And really, I really like the friends I am making so much that, unlike when I was a child, I don’t feel like I have to keep or be close to everyone I meet that I almost fit with, but not quite! Wow!
So thanks to my new friends, you don’t know how much you help me and what you do for me. And, especially, thanks to my sister who really is my best friend and I love spending time with her! (I apologize for this long post but I have been thinking about this and it is a very important subject to me.)
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Thank you. I always enjoy reading what you have to say about anxiety. I am sure you touch many of your readers this way.
I overcompensate for my inner shy kid with being a social bull dozer, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t feel as shy as I was my whole life until around my senior year of high school. Sometimes I think I ought to get an Oscar for my performance.
Tina Kubala’s last blog post..Lifetime Hosting with Rudolf
Thank you. I always enjoy reading what you have to say about anxiety. I am sure you touch many of your readers this way. I overcompensate for my inner shy kid with being a social bull dozer, but it doesn't mean that I don't feel as shy as I was my whole life until around my senior year of high school. Sometimes I think I ought to get an Oscar for my performance. <em>Tina Kubala's last blog post..<a href='http://tinakubala.com/2007/12/23/lifetime-hosting...rel="nofollow">Lifetime Hosting with Rudolf</a></em>
I appreciate your insight in this post. So many people not only have social anxieties — but crippling anxieties about HAVING such anxieties.
It’s always refreshing to remember that we truly do have choices. As you mentioned in your post, it’s so good to know we have choices about our friends, and about how we will choose to react to every situation.
Thanks again for the good words of encouragement!
I appreciate your insight in this post. So many people not only have social anxieties — but crippling anxieties about HAVING such anxieties. It's always refreshing to remember that we truly do have choices. As you mentioned in your post, it's so good to know we have choices about our friends, and about how we will choose to react to every situation. Thanks again for the good words of encouragement!
Hi Tina, I overcompensate still too, sometimes I get really chatty when I’m nervous around other people. And sometimes I say really dumb stuff! Thanks for your comment.
Hi Gary, yeah… I have done that too, not only felt the anxiety, but anxiety about having anxiety!
I had to learn all this when I was in my late 30s. I wish I would have learned it when I was a kid.
Thanks for your visit and your comment.
Merry Christmas! You made cry ya know
Thanks for sharing, it is truely a wonderful thing. You are my best friend too. XOXOXOX
Christina’s last blog post..Eve
Hi Tina, I overcompensate still too, sometimes I get really chatty when I'm nervous around other people. And sometimes I say really dumb stuff! Thanks for your comment.
Hi Gary, yeah… I have done that too, not only felt the anxiety, but anxiety about having anxiety! I had to learn all this when I was in my late 30s. I wish I would have learned it when I was a kid. Thanks for your visit and your comment.
Merry Christmas! You made cry ya know
Thanks for sharing, it is truely a wonderful thing. You are my best friend too. XOXOXOX <em>Christina's last blog post..<a href='http://www.loneblackspider.com/2007/12/24/eve/�...rel="nofollow">Eve</a></em>
I sure felt that way when I was a kid. I especially felt out of the loop when I was in high school. I thank the Lord for not falling into the wrong crowd. I wanted to have friends so badly. Thank goodness for my older sister because she had friends that made me feel like I had friends too.
Karen’s last blog post..Is It Morning?
I sure felt that way when I was a kid. I especially felt out of the loop when I was in high school. I thank the Lord for not falling into the wrong crowd. I wanted to have friends so badly. Thank goodness for my older sister because she had friends that made me feel like I had friends too. <em>Karen's last blog post..<a href='http://karensopinion.com/2007/12/22/is-it-morning...rel="nofollow">Is It Morning?</a></em>
Karen, I could have fallen in with the wrong crowd easily, too. Sometimes I’m amazed that I didn’t do drugs or get pregnant when I was young, just to fit in. Ugh. My sister is 4 years older than me so she was out of school when I got in. I’m glad your sister’s friends were so good to you!
Karen, I could have fallen in with the wrong crowd easily, too. Sometimes I'm amazed that I didn't do drugs or get pregnant when I was young, just to fit in. Ugh. My sister is 4 years older than me so she was out of school when I got in. I'm glad your sister's friends were so good to you!