I have way too much anxiety. My anxiety is disproportionate to the situation. Last night I lay in bed and just felt that awful sense of Humiliation that gets to me. It’s like a disease, or a bacteria that worms it’s way into the center of my chest. Or like a cold steel rod in my heart.
Why was I feeling it last night? Well, I always feel it the worst when I’m trying to go to sleep at night. Not sure why. Maybe it gives me time to think and relax and beat myself up for anything I might have done wrong during the day.
Either way, I’m feeling anxiety about collie rescue. It is something I’ve taken on, and it’s pushing me in ways I knew I wouldn’t want, but I do need to learn to deal with them.
I have like five dogs coming in to rescue all of a sudden. Ugh. Three I am helping a friend out, but I will only be able to take one of them, the collie. The mixes will have to go to foster homes. I might even have to put them in another rescue. Then there is a collie in the shelter, but I don’t know if he’s still there or not. I called last week about him and they said his people had picked him up. But he’s still on petfinder.
And then there is an owner surrender who called me. I just called them back, but they are not home. I left a message. Eight years old. How can anyone give up their eight year old dog? I don’t know. That would be like me giving up Lucy. No way, no how.
And I’m way nervous about the smooth that is in a foster home right now, Mac. I really like his foster family and I want to keep good relations with them. So I just always worry… will they hate me, am I doing things wrong, am I being a jerk… not only are they a great foster home, they are very nice people, too.
And so that’s my anxiety for today. Agility doesn’t start until noon, so I won’t leave until about 10. Should give me some time to wash some clothes and call about that collie in the shelter. Ugh.